March 2010 posts
Wasted Weekend: Shia LeBeouf? Really? Edition
Sarah and Kimberly (at left; the Rest of the World, at right) are nothing if not “gals on the go.” They barely have time to honor each other via Luna bar and pick up a new pair of jeggings, let alone finish watching Center Stage for the tenth time. They are dancing as fast as they can! Wasted Weekend is a weekly discussion of the films they watched, half-watched, or turned off in disgust during the previous few days. We hope you still respect them after reading this.
Kimberly: When will the hurting stop over my loss of premium cable? I checked the guide to see what movies were showing on Saturday night (traditionally prime DVRing time) and this was the evening’s lineup: Rocky III, Jurassic Park III, Problem Child, and something starring Hilary Swank. I choose death. On Sunday I caught about an hour of Soul Men, starring Bernie Mac and Samuel L. Jackson as Motown legends on a ca-razy road trip to the Apollo. Notables: (1) Both actors do their own vocals and are in no way good singers. (2) The surplus of Bernie Mac boner jokes. If Bernie Mac boner jokes were currency, I would be sending you this Wasted Weekend dispatch from sunny Dubai. (3) A raunchy and cringey cameo by the usually wonderful Jennifer Coolidge (featuring that damn boner again), who—namedropper alert—was recently made up by a makeup artist pal of mine for a local news show. Apparently she is quite sassy and her hair could use a deep conditioning treatment. FACTS. The late Mac was his usual endearing self in this role, managing to make lines like “Sorry, I’m wearing these tight slacks” hilariously quotable. He was obviously ill and underweight, though, which was a sad bit of reality in an otherwise light, throwaway movie.
Um, you probably should not buy this.
Sarah: Aw, rest in piece Bernie Mac! That movie also claimed the life of Isaac Hayes, yes? DANGER. I’m sorry to tell you that the pain of basic cable programming will never relent. Case in point, my viewing of the second half of Disturbia this weekend. I realize that I am not the target audience for this movie (dude, I am SO OLD), but are there really people who find Shia LeBeouf sexually attractive? Ew, I feel creepy even typing that. He’s still got that boyish face, circa Holes, and this movie insists on showing me numerous tight shots of him tonguing a young, scantily clad lady. Shudder. Anyway, aside from all the icky, this is trying to be sort of a Rear Window for the digital age, which I’m 100% sure was the pitch for this thing. It’s totally predictable and sloppy, but the surprisingly corpse-heavy final act was effective enough that I was especially watchful for serial murderers when walking my dogs that night. They could be anywhere, Kim. What else did you watch? Read more »
I Heart The Crazies
"OK, enough with the D-BOX, already!"
THE CRAZIES (2010/IN THEATERS & D-BOX) This taut and insidiously creepy thriller takes a tired, clichéd premise—you know, the old biological-weapon-created-by-the-military-accidentally-turns-a-small-town-into-zombies-almost-as-dangerous-as-the-military-that-is-sent-in-to-contain/destroy-them, basically—and knocks it ON ITS ASS. Holy cow. Director Breck Eisner (who *shhhh* shares his real first name with his famous movie mogul dad, Michael Eisner, but is apparently playing it low-key to keep tha haters in check, at least for a few weeks) literally explodes out of the gate with an assured and nuanced debut. Well, OK, you got me—actually this is Mr. Eisner’s second theatrical feature film, following on the very tan, sandy heels of 2005’s much ballypooed & bare-chested Matthew McConaughey actioneer Sahara, but I’d hate for you to hold that against him and avoid this semi-precious, blood-spattered gem. Read more »
Let’s Talk About…the Cancellation of ‘At the Movies’
Date: Thu, Mar 25, 2010 at 11:06 AM
From: Sarah Gremillion
To: Kimberly Faulhaber, Brian McClelland
Subject: At the Movies
You guys! I am really sad that ‘At the Movies’ has been cancelled! We look forward to it every week in my house. It gives us a chance to keep up with smaller films that we may not have heard about otherwise. And, aside from the Ben Mankiewicz/Ben Lyons debacle, I’ve enjoyed all its many iterations over the years. When Ebert got sick this last time, leaving Roeper to hold down the fort with a revolving panel of guest hosts, I loved tuning in to see who would show up each week. Kevin Smith’s appearances during that time are basically his only valuable contribution to a post-Clerk’s society! Remember when John Mellencamp guest hosted? Watching Roeper try to maintain an intelligent dialogue with him was so awkward and great! A.O. “Tony” Scott and Michael “cool dad” Phillips are just settling into a nice groove, too! I’ve been enjoying their weekly conversations about specific genres, directors, actors, etc. Damnit!
Here’s hoping ‘Roger Ebert presents At the Movies’ gets here fast!
Sarah
I Can Barely See You, Alice, Through These 3D Looking Glasses!
ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010/IN THEATERS)
Date: Sat, 20 Mar 2010 15:21:36
From: Becky Lenzini
To: Brian McClelland
Subject: Alice in Wonderland
Hi Brian—
So, what was your reaction to Tim Burton’s Alice?? One thing I was struck by was how dark the screen and the visuals were….murky almost. I figured maybe they were going to go bright once Alice reached Underland (like going to color in the Wizard of Oz) but the screen felt to me like it had a brownish film over it throughout the entire picture.
I wondered if there was a problem with the projection at the theater….did you notice this, or no? We were watching in 3D, which in this particular film, I gather, is really not necessary at all.
And speaking of dark, the story is seriously dark also. Shades of nasty violence (i.e. pulling out eyeballs, etc.) Did you take your kids? Any reactions?
My group had mixed feelings for the movie…some liked it a lot, others lukewarm, I think. Of course, being women, we loved the ending, but we were waiting for Capt. Jack Sparrow to turn up on that ship 
Becky Read more »
“Larger Than Life Acting”…Plenty in The Last Station
Plummer chews up the scenery in The Last Station
THE LAST STATION (2009/IN THEATERS) I confess that I am drawn to any movie with James McAvoy and that includes Penelope and Wanted. But even a strong and appealing performance from him gets old in The Last Station, a costume soap opera based on the actual story of Leo Tolstoy’s final days and death at Astapovo Station in southern Russia. The film is based on a 1990 biographical novel by Jay Parini who shares a screen writing credit with director Michael Hoffman (The Emperor’s Club, Soapdish). Helen Mirren plays Sophia, Tolstoy’s wife of 48 years. Christopher Plummer embodies Tolstoy. Paul Giamatti reprises his Illusionist role (complete with accent) as Tolstoy’s partner in fostering the Tolstoyan Movement—dedicated to non-violent protest and a rejection of material wealth. This Movement, in real life, is said to have inspired Ghandi. This film, however, is not concerned with philosophy, but rather with histronics—Sophia threatening (every day!) to kill herself, shooting wildly with a gun, faking heart attacks at the dinner table, breaking dishes, throwing herself in the lake to drown, etc., etc., etc. No wonder Tolstoy/Plummer runs away. It’s clear that McAvoy, as the new, young assistant, is meant to offer an audience “point of view” that will give us an angle into these endless proceedings. And he shows sympathy for crazy Sophia, who after all, is just trying to save her husband’s copyrights from the masses. Hummm……copyright? There’s a modern topic for you. But never mind, the film is focused squarely on LOVE, writ large and acted even larger. Naturally, Mirren and Plummer received Oscar nominations but neither won. I noticed that Plummer stood up to take a bow when Oscar hosts Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin mentioned his name and the TV cameras headed his way. Perhaps he felt he deserved recognition for some REAL ACTING. My advice: head back to the stage. Run, don’t walk.
Grade: C
Stage-y, slow. But worth it if you like historical drama and scenery chewing.
Wasted Weekend: R.I.P. Premium Cable Edition
Sarah and Kimberly (at left; the Rest of the World, at right) are nothing if not “gals on the go.” They barely have time to honor each other via Luna bar and pick up a new pair of jeggings, let alone finish watching Center Stage for the tenth time. They are dancing as fast as they can! Wasted Weekend is a weekly discussion of the films they watched, half-watched, or turned off in disgust during the previous few days. We hope you still respect them after reading this.
Sarah: Kimberly! Boy, did I watch some embarrassing trash this weekend! Are you familiar with the made-for-TV film oeuvre of the SyFy channel? It is extensive and sort of amazing. I watched Dinoshark, starring Eric Balfour as a Mexican boat captain of some sort? Who is the only person capable of taking on an ancient shark/lizard that can *spoiler alert* jump out of the water and eat an entire helicopter? Dinoshark had been fossilized since prehistoric times, but the melting ice caps set him loose to rain destruction and random limb-eating on all of Puerta Vallarta’s finest beaches and teen water polo matches. As all SyFy original movies do, Dinoshark teaches us a valuable lesson: Let’s be sure to recycle, you guys. The arm you save could be your own.
Dinoshark!
Kimberly: Oh, SyFy, your cause is a noble one. I may be checking out more Dino-themed movies because, as you know, it’s a dark time in my household—my premium cable introductory package came to a sudden and unwelcome end. Now I will never know if the douches on the poor man’s Entourage successfully create a premium denim line. Or if Henry VIII finally finds love! I know I have friends and family who care about me…but sometimes it’s just hard, you know? For example, I endured about 30 minutes of Chapter 27—god knows why. If you like John Lennon, do not see this movie. If you like thought-provoking movies that are not pieces of doody, do not see this movie. It is mean and exploitative (it was partially filmed outside of the Dakota—where Lennon was killed and Yoko Ono still lives) and features La Lohan as a probably imagined character named…Jude. That is a McCartney song, you assholes! While I tried to take some pleasure in watching a gouty Jared Leto strolling around the streets of New York, wearing pleated fatpants and mumbling in the most ridiculous voice this side of Truman Capote, it was not quite worth it. Just Google “fat jared leto” and chuckle without guilt.
Shall we discuss the elephant in the room? The poppin’ and lockin’ elephant?
Taking One for the Team: Kinsey
No thanks, Dad. You are totally weird.
KINSEY (2004/DVD) OK, I am definitely not what you would call squeamish or uncomfortable when it comes to open discussions about sex, or the use of sexually graphic imagery to aid in dissecting the sex act like a couple of butterflies sharing the same stick pin, but somehow this dumb movie managed to really gross me out. It took me a while to figure out why, but here it is: The scenes showing Kinsey’s “crew” hanging out at a BBQ are, well, tacky. ONLY EIGHTH GRADERS rub up against their ladyfriends while chattin’ up their pals and gals about how they just “did it” and BOY, just can’t wait to DO IT again. Btw, did you hear me say “DO IT”? (HIGH FIVE!!)
Here’s the thing, though—these people were quite possibly exactly as portrayed in that scene, it would seem. Yes, Alfred Kinsey’s research on sex was revolutionary in its time—resulting in two controversial best sellers, 1948′s Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and 1953′s Sexual Behavior in the Human Female—but, in retrospect, one wonders just how interested in this field of study would an impotent Kinsey have been? To me, this is a story about dudes that sure loved doin’ it, and just wanted to keep doin’ it ALL THE TIME. With each other’s wives, girlfriends, random “subjects of study,” etc. Being a male with a boner of my own, I gotta call shenanigans on this whole op. These dudes just wanted to get laid, a LOT, while somehow legitimizing their “scientific films” and boners. And boners NEVER lie. Read more »
Polanski’s Ghost Conjures Up Hitchcock
Brosnan as Tony Blair's Alter-Ego
THE GHOST WRITER (2010/ IN THEATERS) Tense is the word I’d use to describe Polanski’s new political thriller. Half way into the movie (or even sooner), you’ll find that’s how you’re feeling. Based on a novel of the same name by Robert Harris (who collaborated with Polanski on the screenplay), the movie centers around a never named ghost writer (Ewan McGregor) who is brought aboard to repair and finish a work in progress—the memoirs of Adam Lang, former UK Prime Minister (strongly portrayed by Pierce Brosnan) who is a dead ringer for Tony Blair. And speaking of death, we learn early on that the previous ghost writer is dead—accidental? murder? An excellent opening sequence shows his abandoned BMW on the ferry to “the island” (Martha’s Vineyard) then cuts to a body washed up on shore. Humm…the plot only thickens from there (and the BMW will come back to play an important role). The film recalls Rosemary’s Baby and even Chinatown, as “the new ghost” stumbles onto clues into possible motives for murder—and begins to fear for his own life in the process. Personally, I liked the film—it is not nearly as strong as some earlier Polanski works, but is certainly much better than efforts like The Ninth Gate. In particular, I felt the final third of the movie and its ending did not live up to the build-up, but hey, who cares? Polanski is always wonderful to watch at work.
Grade: B+
Shout-out: Alexandre Desplat (nominated for an Oscar this year for Fantastic Mr. Fox) for the score, worthy of Hitchcock and Bernard Herrmann.
Check this out: The receptionist in the unfortunate period costume at the desk of McGregor’s hotel on the island is Polanski’s daughter Morgane.
“Awards and a Show…but Not an Awards Show”
No moar tiny liquor bottlez pleez.
Join us as we emerge from our post-Oscar hangovers and take a look at what the internets are saying about Sunday’s festivities.
Rebecca: A very interesting write-up in today’s NYT explains Oscar’s split personality this year.
Sarah: Interesting! It was so obvious that the horror movie montage was slapped together at the last minute.
Here’s a great recap from the one and only Rich Juzwiak at fourfour.
Kimberly: Fellow tweeters Gabe of Videogum and Mark of Movieline had some hilarious things to say throughout the ceremony–still worth checking out.
Sarah: And the dresses! Tom and Lorenzo have some fabulous opinions on these, as always.
Kimberly: Our pals (we wish) at The Awl also liveblogged–in three separate posts. Overkill if it was anyone else. Oh! And this explains the return of “And the winner is…”
Celebrate Oscar Weekend With SML
Broken Embraces' snub is unforgivable! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to eat a stray piece of carpet I found on the floor.
SML’s favorite religious holiday—Oscar weekend—is finally here! We’ll be tweeting tomorrow starting at 10:00 CST from the last half of the AMC Best Picture Showcase. Join us for An Education, The Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, The Blind Side, and Inglourious Basterds. You can follow us here, or keep an eye on the right side of SML’s home page, where we’ve placed a nifty new Twitter widget. The future is NOW. We’ll try to resist communicating every ludicrous, self-satisfied line of dialogue from The Blind Side (“You’re changing that boy’s life.” “No, he’s changing mine.”). Our thumbs might cramp up!
We’ll also say hello and comment on the ceremony (and Sarah’s sure-to-be awesome party) on Sunday evening. We apologize for anything that happens after we hit District Wine and the Up in the Air tiny liquor bottle lounge. Maybe we’ll even post some crazy party pics later this week. Probably not!
