Serious Movie Lover

Sarah and Kimberly (at left; the Rest of the World, at right) are nothing if not “gals on the go.” They barely have time to honor each other via Luna bar and pick up a new pair of jeggings, let alone finish watching Center Stage for the tenth time. They are dancing as fast as they can! Wasted Weekend is a weekly discussion of the films they watched, half-watched, or turned off in disgust during the previous few days. We hope you still respect them after reading this.

Sarah: Kimberly! This weekend was packed with movies for you! Can’t wait to hear more about your Oscar nominee marathon. While you were supporting this year’s best in film, I continued doing my part to boost weekend network TV ratings, starting with watching the majority of Accepted on Comedy Central. Even though the hilarity suffers from the language edit, this movie is still pretty funny. And it gets credit for introducing me to the comedy stylings of Jonah Hill. Life would be emptier without his hijinks. Also starring Blake Lively before fame of the Gossip Girl or Travelling Pants variety. Fine weekend fun.

Ask Jonah Hill about his wiener.

Kimberly: Sarah! I also enjoy Accepted! It’s too bad that Justin Long can’t continue to play teenagers—his pasty sarcasm was perfect for that genre. I am sorry to say that I saw him in part of He’s Just Not That Into You (watched for Women’s Studies research purposes, I swear) and it is simply unsettling when he makes out with girls like a grownup.

Anyhoo! It’s true, I am still recovering from an unusually high popcorn, cheese, and SweeTart consumption on Saturday. And I’ve hit my flat soda quota for the year much earlier than usual. So Avatar. No surprises here. Hacky dialogue (“A guy with a gun ends [another guy’s] journey…for the paper in his wallet.”), check. Pointless use of 3D technology (Watch out for that Chinese yo-yo!), check. Hokey sex scene featuring hacky dialogue (“We are mated for life.”), check. While I appreciate J.C.’s “respect nature” message, perhaps the $300+ million spent on this movie would have been better served, you know, saving nature?

Would it kill a tree if you got a haircut?

On the other side of the budget is the fantastic District 9, which cost 1/10 as much as Avatar. Grade: A. Gripping, sad, and very feasible, as far as the alien pics go. Here’s hoping that any extraterrestrials in peril stay the hell away from our xenophobic planet. What else did you watch?

Sarah: Well, while you were taking in some of 2009’s best aliens, I was watching about 30 minutes of Independence Day on TNT. A friend I was watching with remembers seeing this in the theater on opening night and cheering along with the packed theater when Will Smith knocks the alien out by PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE. These were simpler times, Kimberly. Side question: Harry Connick, Jr., cinematic kiss of death? Has he “acted” in anything of quality?

Kimberly: Perhaps you are forgetting a little movie called P.S. I Love You? Also watched for Women’s Studies purposes? I’m writing a dissertation or something. Don’t ask any follow-up questions.

I long for the simpler times of Independence Day, before Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire came into our lives. (Smooth segue!) I will give Lee Daniels some credit for the wonderful performances he was able to coax from every single actor in this thing (Becky was right-on about Mo’Nique), but he needs to lay off the metaphors and hire a better music coordinator, lest he fall into Tyler Perry territory, never to return. I really wish I could find a video link to the scene in which we are assured that Precious’ alternative schooling is working—subtly communicated by Precious watching an imaginary montage of the Oliver North trial, civil rights riots, and other historical events in her classroom as a clock with quickly moving hands floats by. “PRECIOUS IS LEARNING SO MUCH!!!” flashing on the screen would only have been a hair more obvious. Delightfully, halfway through the movie our neighbor asked which one was Janet Jackson, and I snorted soda through my nose. Good thing it was flat, or that might have hurt! Please tell me you watched something more life-affirming than this.

Sarah: Does Talledega Nights count? I watched the last hour or so of this one, which gets funnier every time I see it. Have you ever paid attention to the outtakes that play over the credits at the end? Hysterical! I am a huge fan of a good blooper reel, as you know.

Note: True appreciation of this film may require rudimentary knowledge of the Torah and its teachings. Sorry, goys—go back to enjoying every other mainstream movie ever made.

Kimberly: A classic. Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! A Serious Man had no such blooper reel (Queen of the segue! Queen!), but I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would—though I think a more developed knowledge of Judaism would have been helpful. I plan on spending the day getting up to speed—I’m sure a quick Google search of “judiasm and wikipedia” will be sufficient. You would not believe the loud arguments that erupted after this one—the masses do not enjoy a dark and ambiguous ending. When another neighbor informed us that she thought it was “stupid,” half of SML angrily replied that “They can’t all be Crash.” Zing!

Up was also in the lineup—adorable from beginning to end. You were not kidding about that first 10 minutes. Kleenex city. It also made me want to adopt all dogs—more so than usual!

Sarah: I love those Up dogs so much! I would give all that I have for one of those collars for my own pooches.

Lastly, I folded laundry to You’ve Got Mail on TBS. What a total waste of time this thing is. Everything about this movie—acting, directing, writing, soundtrack—is so lazy! Way to phone it in, Hanks! Scene after scene of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan voiceovers while we watch them type? Could that be more boring? For shame, Parker Posey. The only glimmer of entertainment here is the AOL product placement and everyone’s HUGE computers. Hee!