Trailer Trash: Portman’s Questionable Decisions Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of The Next Three Dayses to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: Kimberly! There are like 40 million new trailers making their way around the internets right now! I really had a hard time choosing just two to focus on here (although, Warner Brothers helped me out some by taking down the Green Lantern trailer that popped up briefly last week. Sexiest Man Alive [NOPE] Ryan Reynolds in tights! HEE!).
Anyway, I’ll begin with Your Highness from used-to-be-really-arty-and-interesting director David Gordon Green. This trailer pains me physically. A wacky period stoner comedy with pointlessly profane contemporary dialogue and gratuitous nudity? Did we as a nation learn nothing from Year One? This is a big deal cast, too! Danny McBride, James Franco, and even the lovely Zooey Deschanel: sure. But Portman is a bit of a surprise here, yes? Flashing her ass and her really, really bad British accent around? Help me understand, Kimberly. What are all these people doing in this? How did this get made? Will people see it? (A note before you click play: Red Band trailer alert! Pitifully misused F-words aplenty!)
Kimberly: As we know, I love a romantic comedy like a fat kid loves cake. (Fact: I also love cake.) But this year’s crop has been pretty dreadful—from the falsely feminist (Leap Year, The Back-Up Plan), to the gross-out falsely feminist (Going the Distance, The Switch), to Gary Marshall’s latest attempt at career suicide (Valentine’s Day). I suppose the title of 2010’s latest entry, No Strings Attached, tells you all you need to know—it’s the story of a “friends with benefits” couple—half of whom doesn’t believe in monogamy (UGH), while the other half decides he wants more. This might sound a little formulaic, but it stars Ashton Kutcher, so quality is assured. He doesn’t just accept every role so he can legitimately get out of the house or anything. (Another fact: This movie’s working titles included Friends with Benefits and Fuckbuddies. So we’re coming from a place of originality here.)
Sarah: What do we think is going on with Natalie Portman, really? Just needed a mental health break after Black Swan or what? Next: God help me, Kimberly, this Cowboys and Aliens trailer makes the movie seem sort of fun to me. It’s just so silly! Is it that I can’t resist a scrubby-looking Daniel Craig? Is Harrison Ford the baddie here? Because I would be totally on board with that. Maybe I’m just a sucker for any trailer in which someone stonily places a black cowboy hat atop his head after kicking a bunch of ass. If the utter ridiculousness of the plot hasn’t already chased you away, you’ll probably recoil when the producer credits come barreling at you: Grazer, Howard, Spielberg – all your favorites are accounted for. And you’d be right to do so! Save yourself! It’s too late for me; Favreau has already lured me in with his flashy siren song.
Kimberly: Dueling romcoms about FWBs! This one has the added caché of actually being called Friends with Benefits (take that, Portman!), and starring America’s Hottest Young Lady, Mila Kunis. However, it also seems to contain a scene with a flash mob (already not cool when “Weeds” did it a year ago!) and was directed by Will Gluck, auteur of one of Brian’s favorite films of the year. And you know how they say the only sound worse than hearing your child scream in pain is Justin Timberlake singing “Closing Time” in the direction of someone’s genitals? Well, you be the judge. (This is Red Band, people, so prepare your fake birth date and tilt your computer screen into your cubicle.)
Tags Ashton Kutcher, Cowboys and Aliens, Daniel Craig, Danny McBride, David Gordon Green, Friends With Benefits, Green Lantern, harrison ford, James Franco, Jon Favreau, jon hamm is clearly much sexier than ryan reynolds, justin timberlake, mila kunis, natalie portman, No Strings Attached, Will Gluck, Your Highness, Zooey Deschanel