Serious Movie Lover

Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney performing seriously cracked-out choreography in White Christmas.

WHITE CHRISTMAS (1954) So it’s Christmas. And the smash hit musical you produce with your business partner is on hiatus. What else is there to do but follow a singing sisters act to a Vermont inn, organize a last-minute reunion of your WWII platoon, and put on a play? This is the mother of all Christmas movies, starring Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Vera Ellen, and a slim and lovely Rosemary Clooney. What was at the time, I’m sure, a completely straightforward offering of holiday fun has morphed into high camp, an artifact from a time long past when ladies floated around in peignoirs and matching fur-trimmed robes and the people sitting up all night in the dining car of overnight trains were happy, successful singers and dancers enjoying milkshakes instead of some unfortunate homeless-looking guy who just barfed on himself and smells like pee. Or when be-turtlenecked crooners singing bedtime songs to ladies over midnight snacks of liverwurst sandwiches and warm milk seemed totally romantic. Even the trenches of World War II get the nostalgia treatment in the hands of these happy people, in the form of a musical number (“Gee, I wish I was back in the army!”). Try to imagine a time when Bing Crosby was considered a heartthrob, and I think you’ll start to get the idea. My family watches this every year. And yes, we know all the words to all the songs and yes, it makes holiday visitors visibly uncomfortable when we all sing along and YES, this only makes it more hilarious. The costumes and sets, the insane choreography of the dance numbers, the sweet and ridiculous plot contrivances, the genuinely talented and funny cast – so much to love! Netlflix it this holiday and give in to the fun.