Posts published under “Trailer Trash”
Trailer Trash: Accents and Kmetko Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Larry Crownes to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: So is this Main Street movie happy or sad or maybe menacing? It’s unclear from the trailer, but I think we can be pretty sure it’s going to be boring. Last time we discussed Anne Hathaway’s stupid British accent, and this time it’s Orlando Bloom and Colin Firth with stupid Southern U.S. accents. I’d like to propose that, going forward, British people be cast in all the British roles and American people in the American roles. We can elect one or two people to cover special accents: Damon and Affleck will have to do all the Boston movies, and I guess we’ll just have McConaughey do all the southern ones? I don’t know — it’s obviously not a perfect system. It will be up to the rest of Hollywood to either get better at talking or just set all movies in areas of non-regional diction. (P.S. Hi Mags!)
Trailer Trash: Study Reveals Chris Pratt Featured in 50% of Future Redbox Rentals
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Green Lanterns to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Kimberly: Sarah! After our thwarted attempt to watch alien teens on jet skis in I Am Number Four and a successful (“successful”) solo viewing of The Road last night, I am ready for a romantic comedy that does nothing more than make me feel unattractive and poor! How about What’s Your Number? A Marie Claire cover line, brought to glorious life by Anna Faris (recent subject of a adoring New Yorker article) and featuring Joel McHale (why do I find it so distressing when he kisses girls?), Chris Pratt (awesomesauce), and Captain America wearing a hoodie without a top underneath at the 1:57 mark and wielding a Stratocaster like a true shredder at 2:13. Hm, that is a lot of awkward narration. And a really gross OB/GYN joke. I think we have a free Redbox rental on our hands.
Trailer Trash: Triumphant Return Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Green Hornets to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Kimberly: And, we’re back! Oh how I’ve missed our talks about the movies of tomorrow…today! Let’s see what Summer 2011 has in store. Try not to cry.
Sarah: Yay! So nice to be swapping thoughts on Hollywood’s least promising offerings with you once again. This trailer for Rise of the Planet of the Apes is making me laugh so much! Hee! Based on the trailer, I’m assuming that at least 60% of this movie will consist of slow shots of apes staring menacingly at the camera. Why does James Franco seem so wooden and self-serious? Is it some sort of performance art? Stop staring at me, ape!
Trailer Trash: Oblivious Boyfriends Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Gnomeo and Juliets to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: Hello Kimberly! Happy Oscars Eve Eve Week to you! Shall we distract ourselves from the For Your Consideration ads with a little Trailer Trash? I’ll lead off with Rubber, a movie about a killer tire. I, um, well…it’s a movie about a tire that kills people. So. That’s all there really is to say? I think I want to see it?
Trailer Trash: Drug-Induced Zoot Suit Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Knight and Days to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: Okay! It’s hard for me to properly introduce this trailer for Hanna. It looks so weird, and the movie’s plot is not at all clear here. What is going on with this tiny assassin girl in the Arctic? Why would Eric Bana leave his daughter alone to kill someone dangerous? What, exactly, is the deal with Cate Blanchett’s hair and accent? Can I get someone to please tell me how to pronounce Saoirse Ronan’s first name? Whatever the hell is going on, it definitely looks like it’s awesome. Count me in.
Trailer Trash: Portman’s Questionable Decisions Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of The Next Three Dayses to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: Kimberly! There are like 40 million new trailers making their way around the internets right now! I really had a hard time choosing just two to focus on here (although, Warner Brothers helped me out some by taking down the Green Lantern trailer that popped up briefly last week. Sexiest Man Alive [NOPE] Ryan Reynolds in tights! HEE!).
Anyway, I’ll begin with Your Highness from used-to-be-really-arty-and-interesting director David Gordon Green. This trailer pains me physically. A wacky period stoner comedy with pointlessly profane contemporary dialogue and gratuitous nudity? Did we as a nation learn nothing from Year One? This is a big deal cast, too! Danny McBride, James Franco, and even the lovely Zooey Deschanel: sure. But Portman is a bit of a surprise here, yes? Flashing her ass and her really, really bad British accent around? Help me understand, Kimberly. What are all these people doing in this? How did this get made? Will people see it? (A note before you click play: Red Band trailer alert! Pitifully misused F-words aplenty!)
Trailer Trash: “Ninjas. Damn.” Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Knight and Days to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Kimberly: I am truly baffled by Paul (is it for children? Will there be alien farting?), and frankly, I’m not a fan of Simon Pegg’s Edgar Wright-less work (see How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Run, Fatboy, Run—wait, don’t! I was kidding!). But Greg Mottola is a pretty skilled comedy director, and loves buddies, so I guess I am cautiously optimistic? Choosing Seth Rogen’s voice may have been a mistake, though—all I can think is “That’s the voice of the Green Hornet, debonair newspaper publisher by day, masked superhero by night! Swoon!” (Sometimes I watch that trailer when I’m feeling blue—instant laughs!) Small compliant: Why don’t they give Jane Lynch props in this? Isn’t she famous and beloved by all now?
Trailer Trash: Let’s Just Stay Awake Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Knight and Days to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: Hey, so have you been sleeping a little too well lately? Allow me to remedy that with this terrifying trailer for Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman as a ballerina who may be the stalking victim of underminer-y Mila Kunis and/or is going totally nuts. Creepy, over-involved mom? Check. Creepy, condescending, handsy dance instructor (played by master creep-meister Vincent Cassel)? Check. WINGS SPROUTING OUT OF SHOULDER BLADES?! MIRROR IMAGES TURNING AROUND AND LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU?! Uh, check. I watched this trailer one time, and it showed up in my dreams that night. No shit. Nightmare Town.
Kimberly: Prepare yourself for the thrills and chills of Case 39! Is it a requirement that any actor with a string of recent successes (ie, Bradley Cooper) make a terrible-looking horror movie, often featuring an evil child? Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Greg Kinnear, Liev Schreiber, Sam Rockwell…the tragic list goes on. Who stands to profit from the salary-reduction that a shot of CGI insects spewing from an actor’s mouth will guarantee? Working on a conspiracy theory here. And I will qualify the following by saying that I am a nonparent: Renee, just let them take the kid. There are plenty more. I see tons of them just milling around unattended. Some even have normal little girl voices.
PS, I assume this set is where Cooweger was born. Congrats, Hollyweirdos! Read more »
Trailer Trash: Romcoms, Buried Alive, Same Diff Editon
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Knight and Days to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Sarah: Welcome back to Trailer Trash! My first offering, Heartbreaker, showed up when I went to see Get Low at a local Landmark theater. (Side note: Stop telling me to watch Svetlana, Landmark! I’m not going to watch it, no matter how many times you make me sit through that ad!) I am not a hater of silly French romances at all, but please. Dirty Dancing as a sincere romantic plot device? Wham!? Not a chance, Frogs. Vanessa Paradis will just have to continue being “that lady who had kids with Johnny Depp” to me. (There is no shame in this, Vanessa.)
Kimberly: So how about this Ryan Reynolds vehicle, Buried? While the idea of watching Double R slowly suffocate will appeal to anyone who has suffered through Comedy Central cuts of Van Wilder or Waiting on a very depressing Sunday afternoon (hardeeharhar, obvious), I’m not sure it will be able to hold the interest of a mass audience. The trailer is certainly effective–it makes me all jumpy just thinking about it–but does RyRey have the charisma to engage our concern for 90 whole minutes? (I was going to comment on his appearance in Mr. Brooks, but then I realized I was confusing him with Dane Cook. What a mean lady I am!)
Trailer Trash: Thor Smash! Edition
Come join us for a discussion of the trailers we’ve been privileged to experience over the last month or so. Are they tantalizing nuggets of the hits of tomorrow? Or harbingers of Knight and Days to come? We do not know! But we will assume that we do, because it is our way. Have YOU seen a trailer lately? Do tell. In the Comments, please—we can’t hear you from our cubicles.
Kimberly: Who has seen the Thor trailer? (Too late, slowpokes, Marvel pulled it off the Web.) Holy Watchmen, it looks terrible! Liberal use of slow mo, too-literal costumes, bellowing—it even opens with an overhead zoom shot featuring rain! I hope our man A.O. reviews this one. The guy in the flesh beard playing Thor is unknown to me, but IMDb indicates that he was in an episode of “Fergus McPhail” and a reality show called “Home and Away: Weddings.” Star on the rise! Can I say that this guy strikes me as a total pounder? Is that allowed on the Internets? I give this trailer 1.5 out of 5 glowing lollies. Kenneth Branagh may want to pull an Alan Smithee while there’s still time. Read more »
